That book I'm reading

That book I'm reading

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Crazy Love: Preface

Have you ever walked into a room and your best friend was sitting there and you just knew something was wrong before they even said a word?  Have you ever felt like something was wrong inside of yourself before you ever developed symptoms of being sick?  Like, you wake up one morning and you just KNOW that today's going to be an allergy day before you even get a nose tickle?

Have you ever felt that way about your faith?

I do.  A lot.  My spiritual self examination comes with two predominant flavors: "Man, God, I'm just not getting it today.  I know there is a lesson to be learned and I need Your help to discern and implement it."  or "God, I need You so desperately right now because a thing just happened and I don't know what to do.  I'm grateful You have me, but I don't know what's going on!"  

My spiritual walk is a struggle and I live in complete jealousy of the believers in Acts.  The freedom and complete joy they express just makes me green with envy.  I look at news reports from across the world and hear about the persecuted church abroad and how those churches are flourishing and how bold they are in their faith and I feel weak.  Anemic.  Flaccid.  Lazy.  It just feels wrong.

I've even been guilty of what Francis Chan mentions, about how it's "...too easy to blame the American church..." I admit that I bought into the lie about how I'm not being led well and it's someone else's fault about why I don't go to church and I'm not growing spiritually and aren't churches full of hypocrites and blah blah blah.

In the end it was all excuses.  My problem was me.

If I wanted to be led, I needed to learn to lead myself.  If I wanted to grow, I needed to learn how to feed myself.  If there are hypocrites, then I was in good company because guess what?  I'm a hypocrite.

My problem was my identity.  I didn't, and in fact still have trouble, identify myself as the bride of Christ.  I couldn't see that the American church has just as much a portion of the Holy Spirit as the rest of the Christian denomination.  All I could see is that we weren't accessing.  Well, the Holy Spirit is alive and well in America, just as He is in the Middle East and Asia and Africa.  Just because we aren't (yet) facing the extreme prejudice that our brothers and sisters are across the world doesn't mean we are any less loved and accounted for...but we have a great opportunity, don't we?

My biggest problem as a young Christian is that I don't have the perspective of just how big God really is.  He's brought me through some trials and some fires, He's been present ever since I've surrendered myself, but I can't say that I've been willingly intimate with Him.Like Chan, my view was and still is "narrow and small."

Thankfully there's a cure for that.  Bible engagement, getting more of Jesus, doing God's purpose, loving people...these things will prune me, fertilize my roots, and enable me to grow.  It's cliche, but I need less of me and more of God.  I have an identity crisis nearly every week.  God has never questioned who He is.  I struggle with my motivations.  God has never questioned His purpose.  I seek approval, but God has never NEEDED my approval.  He doesn't NEED my love.  He wants me for me.  He loves me for me.

If I'm going to love someone I need to see my relationship with them clearly.  I'll give you an example...

I love my cats, my students, and my husband.  My cats are obviously not human.  My affection for them is for my own pleasure.  Their affections to me are nice, but if they decide to spend all day in the closet avoiding me, it's no skin off my back.

My students are special to me.  I have close relationships with 6th through 12th grade students.  I'm moderately involved in their lives and they in mine.  We spend time together weekly and have deep conversations where they seek advice, affirmation, or just an ear to listen to them.  If they decided to ignore me, it would hurt a lot.  I'd get over it, but it would bother me.

My husband and I are madly in love.  He's not only a peer but my best friend.  I can get him to laugh and play the way nobody else can.  He occupies a special place in my heart and mind.  We are diabetes-inducingly sweet with each other.  We can and do talk about anything...so if he ignores me, it's bitterly painful.

How then should I relate to God, in context of these three earthly relationships?  He is not indifferent to my affections, but we are not peers.  He loves me deeper than I love my husband, but He is also higher above me than I am over my cats...He is tender and involved like when I teach the students, invested in my development, but His overwhelming passions are too great for that view.

As we continue in Crazy Love, this disturbing and wonderful question should remain in our minds.  God has never had an identity crisis.  We are the ones with the skewed perspective of who He is...so let's discover Him more deeply in worship, in study, and in life.  Allow the truth of God to permeate you and fill you.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Crazy Love: The Foreward

Here I sit, mug of tea to my right, music in my ear, and Crazy Love right in front of me.  I've read the preface and chapter one several times this week already, trying to cultivate thoughts, allow for witticisms to grow, and all that other stuff that writers are supposed to do before committing words to paper.  Or screen.

There's just one problem with my well planned intentions...I read the foreward just now and had to scrap everything so that I could (once again) wing my post.

 Chris Tomlin is not only a gifted musical artist, but he's also a gracious friend.  I love how he describes Francis Chan:

"Francis is one of those rare people you come across in life who leaves you wanting to be better."

I've met several people like this in my own life journey.  They are a delight to be around.  They, as a species, exude this loving confidence in you that makes you feel like you could do anything.  Just being around this type of person is invigorating and refreshing because they give you the sense that you can stop trying.  You don't need to show off, you don't need to be clever, you don't need to try and fit into some pigeon-hole of a category because no matter who you are or what you do, they just think you're the best.

A funny thing happens when people treat you with that kind of love...it makes you want to live up to their standard.  By some crazy psychology, you want to improve not to gain approval but to inwardly feel like you deserve the approval you've already been given.

Tomlin continues writing the praises of Chan, saying that he's someone who believes that God is really who He says He is and that the true reality of this life is to follow Him wholeheartedly.

Wait...isn't that how we should be living as Christians anyway?  We call ourselves Christians, but as pointed out in the foreward, Acts 11:26 ends with pointing out that outsiders called the disciples Christians.  It wasn't a moniker that the followers of Jesus picked up and draped around their shoulders to shield themselves away from the world.  It was a description put upon them based off their behaviors and beliefs from their worldly peers who watched their lives.

Can the same be said for me?

If my neighbors were asked to label me, it would probably be 'reclusive' or 'busy' or something else...I don't know if I've earned the right to be called a Christian by my neighbors because I don't actually know them.  I certainly am not loving them well...how can I when I can barely remember what they look like, much less their names or what's important to them?

Jesus said that the most important commandment is to

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second one is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself."(Matthew 22:37-40)

Dang.  Can I really honestly say that I'm loving God with all I have if I don't love those He's created in His image?  If I honestly believe that mankind bears the imago Dei, or the image of God, but then I don't love all of mankind, can I REALLY say that I love God?

I'll hit you with the actual preface in a few days, but take some time to ponder the foreward...I didn't think I'd be this convicted after reading it.  I hope you can commiserate as we marvel together the concept of loving others so honestly and completely they feel compelled to live up to that standard.  Isn't that our most tangible expression of our love for God?

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Dun da da DAAAAAA! Trumpets, fanfare, cookies, and all that jazz

We talked about it, we thought about it, and here it is.

A blog.  Woo!

I like to pretend like I know what I'm doing, but often times, if you'll permit me to be real, I just have a large enough lack of common sense that I can pretend it is courage and I just wing it. So, since I am about to start reading Crazy Love for myself, since I have a blogamajigger account, since I have time on my hand, and since I can type (yay fingers!), here we are.

Confession time: I haven't started reading yet.  I have nothing useful to tell you, nothing pertinent to ask you, and no idea what I'm going to type next.  I guess this is a part of the 'winging it' thing...

I do...however...have the sermon notes from this weekend...and I DO have a need to practice.  Oh, boy do I have a need to practice patience. Then again, don't we all?  Part of the discussion last night circled the idea that our culture and our plugged in existence distracts us and hinders us from being more patient.  As soon as I hit enter after I finish rambling, I'm published!  As soon as I hit "send" from my phone I'm initiating a conversation via text, as soon as I poke the glowy screen on my Google Machine I'm opening the world wide database of facts and information...

Mind boggling.

But...in the end...useless.

If I had the gift of prophecy...(I wonder how old Charlton Heston is...)...and can fathom all mysteries...(hey how many sightings of the Loch Ness monster have there been?)...and all knowledge...(How many different species of trees grow in California, Siri?)...and if I have a faith that can move mountains...(Kony, AIDS Walk, Women's Rights, call your Senator!)...but have not love, I AM NOTHING.

It may appear silly to have my stream of conscious word associations interjected into 1 Corinthians 13:2, distracting, even.  Did it make you lose your patience trying to read God's word?  Did you want to just shut my comments up and read the Scripture?  Can you honestly tell me you do any better in your head?

One of my biggest struggles in the spiritual disciplines is creating a space for solitude.  I grew up with rock and roll, shouting across the house instead of walking ten feet to talk to the other person, aircraft  from the nearby military base roaring overhead (the sound of freedom! 'Murica!), and just plain old noise.  I like noise.  It means I'm not alone.  It means that I'm not stuck with the sinister thoughts that creep out of my head when things get too quiet.  It means that there are signs of life not too far away.  It also means that I can't hear the whispers of my Creator when He has something special to say to me.

Another problem with noise, I found, is the tempo.  Jeff's Hotel and Restaurant Management degree has had some second hand effects on me.  For example, I've learned about menu placements.  I've also learned about how certain music volumes and genres can be used to manipulate customers into eating faster.  Talk about your conspiracies!  Life's business does the same thing to us...it creates a beat in our heads that doesn't jive with the rhythms of grace.

NOW NOW NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT PICK IT UP YOU ARE LATE WHAT ARE YOU DOING DON'T TALK TO MY I'M BUUUUUSYYY!!!!

How stressful.  God didn't mean for us to live like this.  Why do we do that to ourselves?  Why do we let objects dictate our schedule instead of being in command over our lives?  I think it is rather pointed that, after the fall in Genesis, it isn't mentioned ever again Adam and God taking time to walk together.   I think maybe we need to make that time.


We make time for things that are important to us.  You are never too busy to put gas in your car.  You are never to busy to feed your children.  Rarely are we too busy to look at Facebook.  Why are we too busy to put gas in our spiritual tanks?  Why are we too busy to feed our spirits?  Why are we too busy to look at God?

I wish I could summon the abilities of Pastor Jeff into my blog to give you a rousing sermon to rally you to fight.  I ask myself those questions daily.  One step forward is the only thing I can think to tell you.

I can't be perfect in a day.  Or a week.  I don't think I'll even begin making inroads to REAL change, DEEP change, in even a year.  But this I do know: If I take steps every day to become more loving, to become more patient, to listen better, to create space in my reaction times, God will be faithful to meet me where I am and provide what I lack.

Pastor Jeff has given us four steps to practice. Each step is a step forward.  It feels cliche to type it out, but any step forward is a step forward.  Duuuuuh, Megan.  Great logic there...

But really it is.  Four steps a day for a week.  A year.  Five years.  How far will you have gotten?

Prayerful Examination: PJ tells us this week to read aloud Psalm 139:23-24.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

How awesome is that?  "God, do I have problems?"  "Yes, my child."  "Can you help me see them and show me where to go from here?"  "Yes, my child."

The only one ever surprised that I have a problem is me.  God knows us. He's delighted to help us change.  so...ask already!

Grateful Reflection: Remembering what God has done for us in the past gives us hope for the future problems.  Remember being a little kid?  It wasn't that long ago for me, to be quite honest.  I remember at the age of seven or eight how much I anticipated Christmas.  Yes, it is only October, I'm sorry for mentioning it, but bear with me.  Christmas for us meant seeing our extended family.  It meant awesome food and awesome gifts.  It meant romping with cousins my own age and being able to run around my grandpa's property.  Where had I learned to anticipate all these good things?  From the previous Christmases, of course!  God's gifts are daily things, not annual.  He is an ever-present help.  Maybe I have a hard time looking back at what God has done because I've begun to take it for granted...

There's a cure for that, thank goodness.

Daily, take time to be grateful.  Are you breathing?  Do you have clean water?  Do you have Ebola?  Do you have salvation?

Pastor Jeff talked about graduate level gratitude rather than elementary gratitude, but I feel like if you need to work up to it, work up to it.  At least in elementary school we got gold stars and nap time, right?

Thoughtful Elimination: Every action is a reaction to a thought.  Wow, we just nose-dived, didn't we?  One minute I'm talking about naps and now I have you thinking about thinking.  I'll take a moment to let you recover from that whiplash.

...

All better?  Good.  Here we go.  Neuroscience is fascinating and I barely understand it.  This study of the physical process of thoughts is still a young science, but dang is it awesome to read about.  I don't know enough to regale you with this study or that one, but it comes down to this:
                                                                 
                                                              stimulus---->response.

And during the "----" we can intercept that thought and choose our response.  Oh look, a sermon synopsis!  After all this time!  Anyway...Like a football player, like a baseball player, like a kid with a butterfly net...catch those thoughts.  Stick a pin in them and mount them on a corkboard to show everyone at church.  "I caught this Anger specimen last week.  Instead of stinging me, it's stuck to a corkboard!"

I'm very weird.  Why are you still reading this?

Scripture Meditation:  A kid with a butterfly net, a baseball or softball player, a basketball player, a pilot, a musician....all walk into a bar.

No.  That's not where I'm going with that list.  They all have a goal and training, however rudimentary, to get there.  The budding entomologist has their dog earred and well read bug book.  The pitcher has their bullpen.  The basketball player does hours and hours and hours and hours of free throws to make it look effortless (I'm looking at you, Michael Jordan), a pilot practices landings so they don't spill your coffee when they screech into LAX, a musician had their chords and riffs and fingering charts and concert pieces...

A whole paragraph to say they practice.  Obsess, even.

Why?

To get better.  No other reason.  Get better, get more rare bugs.  Get better, strike more people out.  Get better, get paid.

So what do we do to get better?  What do we do to equip us to evangelize, to encourage, to teach, to be image bearers of God?

What should we do?

I keep hitting enter like I'm writing a manifesto.  Maybe I am.  If I am, then I definitely need to include this.  We are God's people and should therefor know God's word.  We should be preaching with what we practice and we should practice what God Himself has preached through His word.

He didn't record the acts of the Old Testament so we could wink-nod about how silly Levitical Law was.  He didn't allow Jonah's story to be recorded so we could argue about 'is it a whale or a fish' with nonbelievers.  He wrote and recorded a story of blood, sacrifice, tears, and despair, of redemption and hope and Resurrection so that we could have hope.  So that we could know Him.  So we could see how from the very beginning when the first stars came hot off the forge He knew where this train was headed and He wasn't going to stop just because we happened to mess up.

We should meditate on God's word because it is how we know Him and His love for us.  We meditate so easily about what was said in the office or what so and so said on our Facebook post, but we don't have time for the Creator of the Universe who has waited for us to pick up His love letter and get to know Him?

I'll get off my soapbox.  I'm just as guilty about not doing what needs done and for not grabbing my destiny in a tight fisted grip.  I'm just as seduced by being busy and not taking the time to do what I know I need to do.  I don't think that excuses me from saying what needs said, however.

If we are going to be a people who change the world, then we must first change ourselves.

We have the tools, so let's get to work.